Debrena Jackson Gandy Talks About Why Your “Perfect Man” List Isn’t Working

In a recent segment of The Love Lab with Debrena on Back2Besa, relationship coach Debrena Jackson Gandy dives deep into a concept many women are familiar with: “The List.” You know the one—tall, successful, attractive, ambitious. But according to Debrena, that list might be doing more harm than good.

“We’ve been taught to have a list of what we want in a man,” Debrena says. “But here in the U.S., we also have the highest marriage failure rates and some of the highest dating dissatisfaction rates. That tells me—this list ain’t working.”
She breaks down why “The List” doesn’t deliver and shares two key shifts that can change everything:

Stop shopping for men like you’re at Best Buy.

“When you make a list full of features—like height, income, or job title—you turn a whole human into a commodity,” Debrena explains. “That might work for picking out a new appliance, but not for attracting a partner.”

Ditch features for qualities—and embody them.

“It’s not your list that attracts someone. It’s you,” she emphasizes. “Once you list the qualities you want—like kindness, emotional maturity, or patience—ask yourself: Do you embody those qualities? Because we tend to attract based on our actual level of self-love, not who we think we are.”

One of the most powerful takeaways?

“You’re the magnet—not your list. So ditch the checklist and become the person that what you’re looking for is also looking for.”

As always, Debrena leaves us with wisdom that’s real, refreshing, and rooted in truth. For more Debrena, head over to her website at milliondollarmentor.net